Confession of Pain – 2006

Of course this Asian girl needs to review some Asian films too. It is not all about American summer blockbusters. Sadly, summer is coming to an end.  If you ever watched any Cantonese/Hong Kong movies, you will usually  find the same stream of thought – police/detective story with the supposedly protagonist character becoming the antagonist. Confession of Pain’s dominant factor was the role playing between Takeshi Kaneshiro and Tony Leung.  You can’t go wrong with these two person’s acting. Phenomenal!!! Ok so maybe I’m a bit late in watching this film.  It was done back in 2006. But it’s never too late to give my audience some suggested movies to stream from youtube. Please go ahead and enjoy. This is a definite must see. Dont worry, there is english subtitles on youtube.

Confession of Pain gives us this dark outlook to the inner thoughts of a human being. We cant fully understand a person and the reasons for their decisions. We can only accept their decision because they have their own logical reasons. But as their friend/family, can we still support everything this person does even if it crosses the line of your moral judgment?

Tony plays a detective who marries Susan, daughter of a former Macau drug dealer. Takeshi plays a private eye who is also best friends with Tony. Susan’s father gets murdered and of course early in the movie we see the murderer is Tony Leung. So why did he kill his father-in-law? Was it for money? Revenge? Drug secrets? Takeshi is hired by Susan to find out the real death of her father. I dont want to spoil the movie for you, so I’ll stop here about the plot.

The movie is absolutely well done. The very beginning of the film we see a suicide and that’s how it ends as well (2 different suicides). The cinematography is set in dark tones and the characters are deeply developed. The storyline is intricate and well-thought out through the lens of a murderer. So how do I feel about this movie? Love it!

If you want to feel cultured and watch an international film and read subtitles, then this movie is a must watch tonight. Just warning you, it is a slow storyline. So you need to be patient and let the story play out.  Maybe this Asian is a bit bias, but I love Tony Leung’s stoic acting and his ability to control emotions. As for Takeshi – he’s just freaking HOT!  Inter-racial people are always hot. Yes, that’s right. He is a mix of Japanese and Chinese. Some people may not think that’s inter-racial, but for us Asian peepz, that IS considered a mix. Chinese and Japanese  ARE NOT the same!

This Asian American Fob is giving Confession of Pain 5 thumbs up!!!

Coming Soon….”Prince Harry – The Naked Truth”

So if you get offended by the word “naked”. I suggest you leave my blog now. For those of you who stay to read on, go ahead and laugh your ass off. Because here is it:

Thanks to TMZ we now know what bare naked Harry looks like. Btw – Not so bad Harry. Looks like you work out at the gym quite a bit. Cheers to you and your covered “Gristle Missile”.   I know I said I would do movie reviews on this blog only, but seriously, this shit is too funny not to blog about. But honestly, I have a feeling in about 2 years there will be a movie about this and the ramifications it will have on the royal “highness”. kekeke! Get it…”highness” …look at those buttocks!

Ok, so lets get back on topic. We all know Prince Harry is just a wild guy and like any other guy, he likes to get naked when he’s in the company of beautiful girls who want to get naked with him. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the desire to get “jiggy” with girls you fancy. That’s just his natural hormonal male part. BUT, to get naked in a game of strip pool with several people who are taking pictures of you, that is just plain STUPID! So lets see how we can make this into a movie plot. I would try doing a story that goes something like this:  After the death of their beloved mother, Princess Diana, Harry is the ill-forgotten child. Harry falls in the shadows of his brother William and loses the attention of London. He tries his entire life to live up to the expectations of Queen Elizabeth, but he never comes close to the perfection of William. He joins the military to drown his sorrows and leave the painful royal court where the memories of his mother’s love and attention haunts him.  It is at the military that Harry gains a sense of self and becomes his own man. He defies all the expectations of Queen Elizabeth and soon becomes the son of royal shame. He lives a nomadic life of  debauchery. How’s that for a movie?

Maybe we are too harsh on this 27 year old kid? Every 27 year old kid gets into this mess. Who doesn’t prance around naked in a wild weekend of vegas? But wait, the only difference is that HE’S the freaking PRINCE! Duh! What 27 year old goes around with that title?

“Prince Harry – The Naked Truth” has all the elements of a 5 thumbs up movie. We will have death, jealousy, shame, isolation, sex, love and then redemption. This movie is going to be awesome. Its oozing with drama and passion especially when Robert Pattinson will play Prince Harry and show his rear-end! This movie will be watched by every woman in the Western Hemisphere! Cha-Ching – MONEY!!! Muah!

Total Recall

Total Recall 2012 is a remake of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s 1990 classic Total Recall. Except the new Total Recall has nothing to do with Mars and the starring role is done by Colin Farrell, who is a starring disaster. Total Recall 2012 was a Total waste of my time and I want my memory to be Totally erased. What a complete disappointment! Total Recall 1990 was a classic and it had all the elements that a sci-fi movie should have. So how the hell can Len Wiseman  screw this classic film so badly? To Mr. Wiseman, you already have the original movie in front of you, its not that hard to copy and paste! WTF!!!

Ok, I admit I was 30 mins late into the film. So I didnt exactly catch the beginning of the storyline.  Basically, the movie had Colin Farrell running around this new futuristic quasi Asian world and dodging bullets from droids, which resemble clones from Star Wars. The cinematography of the movie is a complete knock-off of Blade Runner and later into the movie it turns into the Attack of the Clones.  Maybe because Colin Farrell’s acting sucks so badly that they tried to limit his script time and just had him running around like a clown.  And why was Kate Beckingsale such a mega beotch?? I still dont understand why she had such contempt for Mr. Farrell’s character, Douglas Quaid. This movie had poor character development and as my friend would say, “There are pornos with more coherent plots”. If you really want to know what this movie is about here is the jist: there is this evil Chancellor Vilos Cohaagen played by Bryan Cranston, who wants to take over the world with droids. Does this remind you of another famous sci-fi classic? hmmm…I wonder! And of course there is the Resistance that  is trying to protect the world from the evil Chancellor. The Resistance is led by Matthias, played by Bill Nighy for a grand acting time of 5 minutes. Mr. Farrell was the Chancellor’s right-hand man who was to infiltrate into the Resistance and kill Matthias. Long story short, the Chancellor’s plan worked but too bad Mr. Farrell goes bi-polar and decides to turn on the Chancellor and burn down the droids. I think I officially developed Bad Movieitus while watching this awful clown show. Crap I forgot to mention Jessica Biel! Yeah that’s the lasting impression I got from her acting too.

To my audience, I just want to say, “Save yourself from watching this movie”. I beg of you. Do not torture yourself!  I think getting waterboarding would be less painful that sitting through Total Recall 2012. Yeah …that’s right…I said it! WATERBOARDING = TOTAL RECALL 2012!

So just a blast from the past,  who remembers this infamous scene from 1990 Total Recall:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=At5kaGJGcyU&feature=related. Awesome!

Total Recall gets 5 Thumbs down from the Asian American Fob:

Step Up Revolution

 If its one thing I learned about getting free tickets to a movie, its that free also means poor quality. Not that this movie was a complete disaster. Rather, I sat in a      theater full of people who were either talking during the movie, making-out aka sucking face, dropping popcorn everywhere, cussing at the movie screen or simply loud and obnoxious. Yes, that is the people who go see Step-Up Revolution for free. Interestingly, I dont fall into that category, so I have no clue why I ended up going to this movie. Ah, remember now! Because a good friend of mine is obsessed with the TV show called, “So You Think You Can Dance”.  Apparently,  there was a contestant on that TV show that ended up to be the main actress of this film. Anyone heard of Kathryn McCormick? Well, my friend loves this dancer and so when she heard I had free tickets to this movie, she told me she wanted to go. Knowing what a “great” friend I am, I said sure. Why not? How bad can this movie be? This is when you are suppose to say to me, ” Duh! This is a bad movie. Haven’t you watch the other ones.” I would proceed to respond and say, “No I haven’t seen other Step-Up Dance movies”.

Anyhow, needless to say dancers should not be used as actors. Maybe the other way around is okay, but not the vice versa. You get what I mean. McCormick’s acting was gut wrenching awful. I get it. She was paid for this movie mainly to dance. But for the sake of my sanity, please don’t let this girl act. Of course, all these films have the same storyline. Boy meets girl, boy impresses girl with dance moves, and then girl falls head over heels. Later boy finds out that girl is some daughter of a real estate tycoon who is trying to destroy boy’s poor distressed hood. Another sad attempt of the Romeo and Juliet Shakespearean drama. Now throw in some hot salsa moves and you have a great romance movie. NOT!

I have to admit the only redemption to this film was the dancing (guess that was a given) and the movie set design. There was one part where the choreography was beautifully done within a museum. The dance moves were ballads integrated into the structural designs and images of the museum. Other than the creative dance talent and set designs, I cant see why anyone would pay for this movie. I guess in some ways, if you love to dance, this movie would inspire you to do so. Being that I hate to dance, my first reaction when the credits were rolling was to go to the bathroom and puke. That’s because this movie that was for free was done in 3-D!!!! WTF!!! Why do I need to see dancers in 3-D!!!

Step Up Revolution needs to Step-Out of the movie theaters and stay in the dance studio. If you want to try making a movie about dancers, try watching “Strictly Ballroom” and get an idea how to make a real film about dancers. Sorry Mr Scott Speer. This one is no go for you. Maybe you should stick to music videos. At least that’s only 3-5 minutes of my life which I wouldn’t be so upset about wasting my time watching your directing.

Step Up Revolution gets 4 Thumbs down from the Asian American Fob!