Coming Soon….”Prince Harry – The Naked Truth”

So if you get offended by the word “naked”. I suggest you leave my blog now. For those of you who stay to read on, go ahead and laugh your ass off. Because here is it:

Thanks to TMZ we now know what bare naked Harry looks like. Btw – Not so bad Harry. Looks like you work out at the gym quite a bit. Cheers to you and your covered “Gristle Missile”.   I know I said I would do movie reviews on this blog only, but seriously, this shit is too funny not to blog about. But honestly, I have a feeling in about 2 years there will be a movie about this and the ramifications it will have on the royal “highness”. kekeke! Get it…”highness” …look at those buttocks!

Ok, so lets get back on topic. We all know Prince Harry is just a wild guy and like any other guy, he likes to get naked when he’s in the company of beautiful girls who want to get naked with him. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the desire to get “jiggy” with girls you fancy. That’s just his natural hormonal male part. BUT, to get naked in a game of strip pool with several people who are taking pictures of you, that is just plain STUPID! So lets see how we can make this into a movie plot. I would try doing a story that goes something like this:  After the death of their beloved mother, Princess Diana, Harry is the ill-forgotten child. Harry falls in the shadows of his brother William and loses the attention of London. He tries his entire life to live up to the expectations of Queen Elizabeth, but he never comes close to the perfection of William. He joins the military to drown his sorrows and leave the painful royal court where the memories of his mother’s love and attention haunts him.  It is at the military that Harry gains a sense of self and becomes his own man. He defies all the expectations of Queen Elizabeth and soon becomes the son of royal shame. He lives a nomadic life of  debauchery. How’s that for a movie?

Maybe we are too harsh on this 27 year old kid? Every 27 year old kid gets into this mess. Who doesn’t prance around naked in a wild weekend of vegas? But wait, the only difference is that HE’S the freaking PRINCE! Duh! What 27 year old goes around with that title?

“Prince Harry – The Naked Truth” has all the elements of a 5 thumbs up movie. We will have death, jealousy, shame, isolation, sex, love and then redemption. This movie is going to be awesome. Its oozing with drama and passion especially when Robert Pattinson will play Prince Harry and show his rear-end! This movie will be watched by every woman in the Western Hemisphere! Cha-Ching – MONEY!!! Muah!

Total Recall

Total Recall 2012 is a remake of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s 1990 classic Total Recall. Except the new Total Recall has nothing to do with Mars and the starring role is done by Colin Farrell, who is a starring disaster. Total Recall 2012 was a Total waste of my time and I want my memory to be Totally erased. What a complete disappointment! Total Recall 1990 was a classic and it had all the elements that a sci-fi movie should have. So how the hell can Len Wiseman  screw this classic film so badly? To Mr. Wiseman, you already have the original movie in front of you, its not that hard to copy and paste! WTF!!!

Ok, I admit I was 30 mins late into the film. So I didnt exactly catch the beginning of the storyline.  Basically, the movie had Colin Farrell running around this new futuristic quasi Asian world and dodging bullets from droids, which resemble clones from Star Wars. The cinematography of the movie is a complete knock-off of Blade Runner and later into the movie it turns into the Attack of the Clones.  Maybe because Colin Farrell’s acting sucks so badly that they tried to limit his script time and just had him running around like a clown.  And why was Kate Beckingsale such a mega beotch?? I still dont understand why she had such contempt for Mr. Farrell’s character, Douglas Quaid. This movie had poor character development and as my friend would say, “There are pornos with more coherent plots”. If you really want to know what this movie is about here is the jist: there is this evil Chancellor Vilos Cohaagen played by Bryan Cranston, who wants to take over the world with droids. Does this remind you of another famous sci-fi classic? hmmm…I wonder! And of course there is the Resistance that  is trying to protect the world from the evil Chancellor. The Resistance is led by Matthias, played by Bill Nighy for a grand acting time of 5 minutes. Mr. Farrell was the Chancellor’s right-hand man who was to infiltrate into the Resistance and kill Matthias. Long story short, the Chancellor’s plan worked but too bad Mr. Farrell goes bi-polar and decides to turn on the Chancellor and burn down the droids. I think I officially developed Bad Movieitus while watching this awful clown show. Crap I forgot to mention Jessica Biel! Yeah that’s the lasting impression I got from her acting too.

To my audience, I just want to say, “Save yourself from watching this movie”. I beg of you. Do not torture yourself!  I think getting waterboarding would be less painful that sitting through Total Recall 2012. Yeah …that’s right…I said it! WATERBOARDING = TOTAL RECALL 2012!

So just a blast from the past,  who remembers this infamous scene from 1990 Total Recall:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=At5kaGJGcyU&feature=related. Awesome!

Total Recall gets 5 Thumbs down from the Asian American Fob: